Is anyone out there?

I don't know if anyone notices or cares (besides mi hermana) when I don't post for months on end, but I do. I like keeping a record of our family and I enjoy the creative outlet my blog gives me.

With the new year fresh on my mind and resolutions circulating it got me thinking about expectations. What I expect of myself and what I expect of other people. Recently Jacob and I were talking about where we were 10 years ago and where we thought we would be now.
Me and my sister circa 2005
Ten years ago I was 18, had just finished a seasonal job at Costco, I was just starting Junior College after taking the first semester off. I had just started working at a local bakery. I took English classes and dance. I was very single, I partied every chance I got (not drugs, if that is where your mind goes). I wasn't wild about Jr. College and I had dreams of going to beauty school. I did go to beauty school and loved every minute of it.  If at that point you had asked me what I thought I would be doing in ten years I probably would have said something along the lines of: Living in San Francisco, doing hair, maybe married, probably kids if I was married.
Flash forward 10 years to the present: I live in my hometown (which I would have been horrified to know at that point). I am a stay at home mom, which has always appealed to me. I am happily married. I did live in the bay area for almost 2 years. I loved it and loathed how expensive it was. Despite my expectations of what this point in my life was going to look like, I am so happy. I really am. I love my husband, my children, and the life we have together.
I didn't know what motherhood would look like for me 10 years ago. While I was pregnant with Mia I imagined organic everything (food, clothing, toys, etc.), breastfeeding until a year old, cosleeping, me showered and looking perfect always, daily workouts, clean house, gourmet food every meal, spending hours snuggling my babies, and lots of crafting/sewing. In reality we do mostly organic food. I usually toss toys made in China, but that is were I draw the line. Clothes are all gifts/hand me downs. I have barely bought any of my children's clothes. Mia nursed until close to 2 years old, and we will see what happens with Jack. We cosleep. I shower as often as I can, but there are days that just doesn't happen. I wear yoga pants a lot. My hair is usually in a pony tail, barrette, or braid. My workouts are a couple times a week if I am lucky. My house is a mess most of the time. I will say that I keep my house much cleaner after children than I did when I was working all the time. I would get done with a work day and just want to relax. So, my house suffered greatly. We eat Cheezits and gold fish crackers, I make smoothies and popcorn for lunch all the time. Mia hated to be snuggled, so my dreams of sitting quietly with my baby gazing at each other were dashed. I do sew when I get the chance, but it is not nearly as much as I would hope.
Motherhood was much more clean in my dreams, but again I am happy. Being a mother has opened me up to new friendships that are some of the greatest bonds I have made. My children bring me more joy and happiness than I ever could have imagined. I feel so lucky to live this life.  Despite my dreams of my children never watching t.v. when in reality Mia has seen too many episodes of Curious George and Jake and The Neverland Pirates, I think I am doing okay. I expect A LOT from myself. I always have. I also beat myself up when I don't achieve what I think I should. I am learning to say no when I need to and I am learning that perfection isn't the goal. Happiness is, and if happiness is the goal then I think I have achieved it.


  1. I'm out here, ever reading!
    I think it's really important to check in with yourself every so often to make sure your life is headed in a direction you can be happy about. The old you may not have known what would make for the best life, so you can't always hold yourself to old standards. The details of your plan may have changed, but you sound very much on track with fulfillment!

  2. I can finally make comments!!!

    Umm, while I have mixed feelings about you posting a picture of me from 2005 (it was a rough patch. that lasted a decade...), I fully agree with your thoughts on expectations. I'm glad you're able to see past the "it was supposed to be like ______" thinking and embrace being happy with what you have and where you are. I think most of us would be better off, if we could get in line with that.


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