Heartache

I feel like I have to address what happened in Connecticut. It is such a tragedy I am not even sure there are words. It is sad whenever there is a shooting, but when we are talking about a school that was K-4th grade it hit a whole new level of tragic. I thought it was sad immediately,but then I realized that it is almost Christmas. Parents bought their kids gifts and have to look at them and remember that their small helpless child didn't make it to Christmas. Every year they will think of that. Of course I am sure that when you lose a child a day never goes by that you don't think of them. I just can't imagine the heart ache those children's parents are going through. I just imagine the morning before they went to school. Mom or Dad got them out of bed, they got dressed, they ate breakfast. There was probably a power struggle or two. Then their parents dropped them off at school with a kiss on their forehead and an assumption that they would see them at the end of the day. It just breaks my heart and makes me sick. I love Mia so much and I can't imagine losing her. My mom is a substitute teacher and the idea that she could have been a sub at a school where that happened is eye opening.

My husband is in law enforcement. His job is dangerous and I know that when he goes to work there is a possibility that he won't come back. However, I don't think that when my mom goes to work, my brother and sister go to school, or really about anything else. The truth is life is short.

I occasionally joke that I am going to home school my kids, but I am not going to lie yesterday made me take that joke a little more seriously. I just want to curl up in my house and never leave, so that my children can never be hurt.

As sad as this is to me and as much as it has effected me, it has nothing to do with me. It is heartbreaking, but there will come a day when someone mentions the shooting and I will say "oh yeah I remember that." The parents of these children will always vividly remember it and will always be thinking about it.

I feel kind of helpless in situations like this. I want to do something to help, I want to do something meaningful, I want to take away their pain. The only thing I can do is pray for them, and I am. I can take this tragedy and use it as a learning experience. It can be a reminder to hug my family tighter and longer, to say I love you more, to live each day like it is my last. I believe that most of us get caught up in the daily schedule and to-do list. I want to be more involved in each moment with Mia and the rest of my family for that matter. I challenge you to not get angry when your child won't put on what you want them to in the morning. Let them wear what they want to school. Try not to let each challenge ruin your morning or day. I am sure that the parents that lost their children wish they hadn't. Give yourself a break. Forgive more easily. Love you family. Live every day like it is your last. Don't get in political arguments on Facebook. Just pray for the family's and remember that this really has nothing to do with us.

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